Interview with Mary-Lou Stephens, author of relationship book 'How To Stay Married'

Mary-Lou Stephens studied acting and played in bands before she got a proper job -in radio. She writes whenever she's not behind the microphone or heading off to a meditation retreat.

Mary-Lou has garnered rave reviews for her memoir Sex, Drugs and Meditation, the true story of how she changed her life, saved her job and found a husband, all with the help of meditation. She lives in Australia with that very same husband, their dog and a hive of killer native bees. 

How To Stay Married is the sequel to Sex, Drugs and Meditation and is the truth behind the happy ending.

Mary-Lou is a blogger for The Huffington Post, a columnist for Holistic Bliss and a regular at writing festivals and events.

Visit Mary-Lou’s website at http://maryloustephens.com.au

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MissyMaryLou

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maryloustephenswrites

About the Book

Title: How to Stay Married
Author: Mary-Lou Stephens
Publisher: Nelson Bay
Pages: 203
Genre: Self-Help/Relationships/Love and Romance
Format: Paperback/Kindle

Purchase at AMAZON

Do you dream of finding the right person to spend your life with? Are you in a strong relationship already and want to keep it that way? Or perhaps your marriage is a little tarnished and you hope to make it shine again? 

You’ve come to the right place. While How to Stay Married isn’t your regular ‘how-to’ book, it is about creating the kind of relationship you want. 

This is the story of a marriage; a journey from fear, resentment and financial devastation, to a place of love, joy and trust. 

Mary-Lou Stephen’s first book Sex, Drugs and Meditation chronicled how meditation changed her life, saved her job and helped her find a husband. How To Stay Married, is the truth behind the happy ending. 

How to Stay Married takes us around the world; from the glitter and glare of Las Vegas to the sub-zero temperatures of the French Alps and the tropical heat of Thailand, all with cabin luggage only. 

The discoveries Mary-Lou makes regarding herself and her marriage are a modern day parable about learning to travel light in life, love and relationships.

Can you tell us what your book is about? 

How To Stay Married is the sequel to Sex, Drugs and Meditation - the true story of how I changed my life, saved my job and found a husband, all with the help of meditation.

How To Stay Married is the truth behind the happy ending. It’s  the story of a marriage; a journey from fear, resentment and financial devastation, to a place of love, joy and trust. 

Why did you write your book?

When my husband and I traveled around the world with cabin luggage only, my friends told me I should write a book about how to travel light. I didn’t think that subject alone would make an interesting book until I saw it as a metaphor for my marriage.

How to Stay Married takes us around the world; from the glitter and glare of Las Vegas to the sub-zero temperatures of the French Alps and the tropical heat of Thailand, all with cabin luggage only.

The discoveries I made regarding myself and my marriage are a modern day parable about learning to travel light in life, love and relationships.

What kind of message is your book trying to tell your readers?

While How to Stay Married isn’t your regular ‘how-to’ book, it is about creating the kind of relationship you want.  There’s a list of Seven Tips For a Happy Marriage (and one from my mum) at the end of the book and by the time you’ve read the book you’ve seen how these tips have played out in my own relationship. But really it’s the tip from my mum that sums it up best:

On her deathbed my mother gave our marriage her blessing. “Remember darling,” she said. “Love is a decision. Every day you make the decision to love the person you’re with. Keep making that decision every day and you’ll have a long and happy marriage, even when it’s not all that happy.”

With the help of all these tips and with everything we’ve learned, The Hubby and I continue on our journey with hope and with love. My wish for my readers and the ones they love is for happy trails and many adventures along the way.

Is it hard to publish a nonfiction book?

The publisher at Pan Macmillan, who published my first book Sex, Drugs and Meditation, asked me why I didn’t use my contacts as a presenter for ABC Radio to get a book deal. I answered that I wanted to get a deal the same way anyone else would. I didn’t want to muddy the waters. I’m constantly approached by the publicists from publishing companies to interview their authors and I didn’t want to make that situation awkward for anyone.

I submitted Sex, Drugs and Meditation through the open submission process that all the big publishers have at present. After many emails and a few hoops to jump through I was offered a contract. I was over the moon.

When Pan Macmillan decided not to publish the sequel, How To Stay Married, I was disappointed but not surprised. My first book hadn’t sold enough copies to warrant them including a sequel in their list. But I love this book and a lot of heart and hard work has gone into it. It’s a very good book. So I thought I’d jump into the waters of self publishing.

It is hard being as honest as you need to be to make a memoir truly shine. I did a lot of soul searching before the final draft of Sex, Drugs and Meditation was ready. I could have lost my job because of what’s written in those pages. I took the risk and I have a fabulous book and I still have my job. I’ve been described as brave by readers and reviewers alike. How To Stay Married makes me braver still.

Which author(s) do you admire?

I admire any one who writes a book, who gets to the end and then writes another draft and then another and another, who does many edits and takes on advice from their editors. I admire authors who support authors, who are generous with the little time they have left over from their own writing, their day job in many cases, and all the other work that goes into the business of writing. Walter Mason is a great example of such a writer. His own books are poignant, personal and humorous travel memoirs. He’s always promoting other writers and is constantly generous with his time and knowledge. And he’s a wonderful writer.

What would you do with an extra hour today if you could do anything you wanted?

I would read more. I love reading but I usually squeeze it in at the end of the day when I’m tired and my eyes just want to close. There’s nothing better than reading in bed and I could easily do an extra hour of it everyday.

If we were to meet for lunch to talk books, where would we go?

You’d come to my place and I’d cook you something delicious (I love cooking and somehow a recipe always ends up in my books). We’d talk about the books in my book shelves, some you would have already read others would interest you. We’d compare notes and you’d give me some recommendations of books you’re sure I would love too. (And you’d drool over my impressive collection of cookbooks.)

What kind of advice would you give other non-fiction authors?

If you’re writing memoir - be brave. I had strong interest from a literary agent many years ago after she’d read the first chapter of Sex, Drugs and Meditation.

She asked to see the rest of what I’d written. This was early on in my writing career and I hadn’t learnt the lesson yet of never showing anyone first draft material. As Stephen King says, “Write the first draft with the door closed. Write the second with the door open.”

The literary agent told me that if I was going to write the book she wanted to read I would have to get honest, really honest. That advice scared me so much I stopped writing the memoir and wrote a novel instead. When I found my courage I finished the book and after many more drafts was offered a publishing contract.